The Making of a Believer
by Radiata4
Summary: This is the tale of how God works miracles. Even today, He remains ever present and calling to those seeking truth.


This story begins back in spring 2004, where in the long course of events I just didn't know what to think. I had been born a Christian and had been living that way my whole life. But for the last few years I've been having trouble. It seems that when I had come of age, I started to think for my self. I was no longer the child who said "God is real because daddy says so".

When I came of age, around 12 or 13, I matured a bit. I was raised in the church, and I think that was the best thing for me. You need to make the relationship with God on your own. No one can do it for you. But if I had not been born in the church, I would not have a desire to know Christ. This way, I had a drive to do so that was probably the deciding factor for my rebirth in God's light. But this story isn't all happy.

When I reached this age I became petrified. There wasn't a single thing that helped verify that our Lord was indeed there for us. I started out this journey alone, thinking that I could figure this out on my own. After all, how hard could it be? I was trying to prove to myself of God's existence, not disprove it. As time went on, I began to realize just how hard this struggle was becoming. In a secular world, where religion was under attack at all times and being bashed at from all directions, where was I going to pull strength from? As mentioned, I started this fight alone, and I ended alone. I talked to several people, and tried to make a connection through them, but no one ever made a big effort to help. Not even my father, who teaches confirmation, leads an adult bible study to which our current pastor attends, and is an all around spiritual guy. Looking back now, I realize that there was no way to do this by relying on other people. They can show you petty manifestations of Christ, but 99.9% of the time, it's only of some time that they have seen God work in their life. Now that's all well and good, but how does it really help you? It doesn't. You can see the works of God in this world, but it doesn't really show proof of his existence and that is the ultimate goal of our search. Example, if the Tigers had won the World Series last year like they almost did, coming from last place to first, that would be an act of God. That would be a miracle, but such an amazing thing doesn't prove His existence. Though I wish it was that simple. We need to realize that not everyone will get a miracle like the one I was blessed enough to witness.

So when starting out on this fight to reobtain my salvation after I lost it due to my own skepticalness, I saw small glimpses of God's glory. I will name two specific examples here. The first being while walking to school and listening to "Awesome God" on my headphones. I felt God's presence, if only for a moment. I decided that this would always be the moment to where I would base my belief on. It didn't work. In church of all places during the next Sunday, I lost that feeling of being near to God. It was during worship that I didn't feel any closeness to God that made me turn a blind side to God again. I decided that my search was not over.

The next time would be when one of our pastor's wife came out on stage and performed a melodramatic scene with her in a straight jacket saying that she felt trapped. She wanted to believe, but she just couldn't. It was perfect. Exactly what I had been feeling all along. I felt that God had sent this message to me and me alone. With this event as well, I decided to base my faith solely on the connection that God had made with me here. Again, I was wrong. Not a week passed before the same thing happened. I lost faith in the event and was back to square one. Again I was crushed. I was beginning to think that nothing could have saved me from my doubt.

For those years, I believed in God and Christ on and off and it was getting worse as time went on. The periods of belief would be less frequent and last shorter. Many times at night I would just cry. I needed a savior that I could concretely see and witness. There was no salvation. Only Hell or oblivion awaited me at death. If Christianity was true, I certainly wasn't going to Heaven because of my unbelief. If Christianity was false, then only nothingness waited for me at life's end. There wasn't anything to keep me going. My lifestyle faltered. I became less social, less active, less everything. What was there to live for? For the atheist, I cannot imagine how they survive.

It was really hard during those years. In my freshmen year of high school, the high school ministry went on a mission trip to Mexicali, Mexico. Most of my friends at church were at least one year older than me, and therefore, ready to go on this trip. We go on this trip every year in case you don't know. When they came back, I saw a certain fellowship among them that was greater than any friendship I had ever seen. I tried to talk and catch up with them and see if life would return to normal. It never did. But the sad thing is, these people just ignored me altogether. My only conclusion is that they had such an awesome experience together and couldn't see past those who had not participated in this mission trip. They really didn't pay any attention to me. I resolved to go next year and see just what this trip was all about. After 10 weeks of preparation, we left Michigan and headed down to Mexico.

Long pants, massive heat and humidity, no showers for a week, this was what it was like every day. Just so you know, all the guys had to wear long pants and the girls had to wear long skirts as is their custom. I could finally see why those participating in the event created such a bond. You literally had to suffer for Jesus here.

While down there, we put on a vacation bible study for kids at neighboring churches. Seeing all these other students working for Jesus was great, but also disturbing. Since I was still searching, I couldn't understand what was going in their heads. Questions like, "What motivates them?" "Why do they do this?" went through my mind. I think it was only two days that I spent there before the Easter service. By then, I was getting desperate. I was down there in Mexico hoping to purge myself from this spiritual disease that I had. I was not making any progress. I thought about leaving right there. There was nothing short of a direct sign of God that would convince me. I had lost the fight and there would not be a rematch. I had given up. This is the point where I had lost it. I was broken and crying without restraint. At first, I didn't understand what it was. I thought that these tears were just my emotions lying to me. I didn't think it was possible for me to show this emotion. But it was. I realized that this was ultimate defeat and there was nothing left for me.

Then, on Easter night during our evening chapel at the time of worship, it finally hit me. I was standing amidst 2,000 high school students from around the continent standing up and worshiping the Lord, and I realized that I could never be a part of all them. No matter how hard I tried, there was no salvation for me because I just couldn't believe. The realization of this just crushed me and I sat down and cried. No, it was more then crying, I was weeping like a baby. I said a prayer. I cried out silently for God to reveal himself to me, to send me something I can hold on to. But I knew that nothing would happen. Nothing of such greatness that would have me believe. Then, just two minutes later, all my church friends around me were leaving and gathering in a crowd, off to the side of the mass of people. My friend Shana and her group had just come back from a nearby church site. Shana had a double fracture in her right knee that had been hurting her the whole trip. The minister present at one of the churches had saw her in pain and told her to go sit down and when she looked down, her right knee was sticking out a half-inch longer then her left.  
What the Priest/Pastor/Minister did then was anoint her head with oil, then he said a prayer while he simply pushed on her knee. You could see the pain in her eyes as he did this. But then, all of it, just stopped. The man said stand up, and she stood up. He said walk around, and she walked around. Just like that, she was healed. She came to me and said "Zack, Zack, I'm healed!".  
It was the most beautiful words I had ever heard. Only two minutes after I cried out to God, He answered my prayer and sent me Shana. I then started crying even more. Even now as I sit here at my computer, over three years after, I am getting tears in my eyes reflecting back at the most unbelievable experience that anyone can feel in an entire lifetime.  
The rest of the trip, I was on fire. I had such a passion for Christ and was on a spiritual high for a long time after.

I can guarantee that some people reading this have been a Christian at birth. And maybe you have strayed from God searching for Him. And maybe since then you have returned and if that's the case, then God bless you, you are saved and that brings me great joy. But maybe you are still searching for Him. If that is the case, then I beg of you, don't give up. It hurts, I know it hurts so much. But know this, you are not alone. There is a God who loves you and cares for you more then anything. And if you call out, He will answer and show you his love. Though I cannot tell how or when it will happen. It took two years of painful searching for me, and it was only when I was broken on my knees, crying out in despair that God revealed himself to me.

God Bless all of you.

A/N: During my time of sharing this testimony, I have encountered many skeptics. To make some clarifications, Shana had a double fracture in her right knee. I have actually seen the MRI scans before and after and the doctor says that it is impossible for this to happen. It was a genuine act of God. No doubt about it.


End file.
